My Story

Broken is defined as “fractured or damaged; no longer in one piece; no longer in working order”.  

I felt broken for a very long time.  Since my childhood I was told my sexual orientation was broken. I internalized that message very early in my life, and I began to believe that I was damaged goods, and I needed to be fixed.  Carrying this burden deeply affected my soul. I isolated during my adolescent years, wondering why God created me with this defect.  I contemplated suicide constantly, and I made two attempts to end my life.  I abused alcohol from age 18 and developed an addiction problem.  I tried to escape through addictive substances and behaviors in order to cope with my feelings of abandonment from God, insecurity about my sexual orientation, and inadequacy feelings that I was not reaching God's potential. 

What I realized later: God's potential for me had nothing to do with my sexual orientation.  

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I believed the lie from fundamentalist Christians that my homosexual orientation was something evil; "good" people do not have these unnatural sexual desires. I likened my homosexual orientation to a cross I was made to carry, just like the Apostle Paul’s thorn in the flesh.  Because I believed I was broken, I allowed Christian leaders to subject me to harmful ex-gay ministry propaganda and programs. I put my life into the hands of this ex-gay movement, in hopes they could help to change my sexual orientation so I could be healed (not broken anymore) and become a heterosexual man with the desire to love a woman physically.    

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Today I know I was never broken.  However, my soul became damaged through the process, not due to my homosexual orientation, but due to the ex-gay movement, fundamentalists’ interpretation of the Bible, and societal fears of what they did not understand.  Today I can say “I am unbroken” and God has healed my broken spirit.      

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